If there's something inside that you want to say, say it loud it'll be okay...

It's a horrible feeling to have to wake up to realize that your day,from the chiding alarm onwards, is progressively going to get worse. I don't like that nagging feeling on Sunday evenings telling me I have an entire working week ahead; I don't like constantly watching the clock in office, waiting for it to be 6 0'clock like I waited for the bell to ring in school. In other words, it brings me an endless amount of joy that in just about 2 and a half weeks, I will no longer be working with ICHRL. In all honesty, even if I weren't employed for only 6 months, I would've called it quits. When D and M asked me to stay, I declined politely, saying I had much else to do. That's not the truth at all. In the very beginning, when work was constant, and I was far from embroiled in the petty politics, my job seemed impossibly ideal. I felt productive, I was keen to learn and most importantly, I cared deeply about the work. Six months down the line, and I feel tired. Angry. Upset. Disappointed. But most of all, I feel a sense of relentless frustration.

Listen: There is no doubt that I have learnt a lot working here, but I'd be lying if I said I've learnt as much I'd hoped to. It makes me sad that I'm so euphoric about leaving, but the last month or so have left me severely disillusioned with the entire set-up. My biggest gripes with ICHRL - and largely with most Bombay-based NGOs - are the lack of ideology, the reluctance to identify themselves as feminist, the rampant classism and the ridiculous levels of compartmentalization.

With ICHRL, more specifically, the problem lies in the immense power bestowed upon the administration that revels in this power, throttling people with its red-tape, trapping them in the ironclad hierarchies. I honestly love and respect the directors; I think they're fantastic, dedicated people. The trouble is that they're too busy saving the world to save their employees from the cesspool of power politics and chronic inefficiency that is ICHRL.

First, on a personal front:

1) What I wear is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. So please, enough with the negative comments.

2)Also please don't patronize me about taking a taxi to Parel because I was in a sari; stop implying that working in the development sector is somehow hypocritical because of my class background. For one, no one ever denied that it is a luxury to be able to work in an NGO. Secondly, don't tell me that a few days before you're flying to Spain for a week.

3)Really, stop with the personal comments entirely.

On a far more important note: They also need to hire people who, like, know what they're doing. It would help if they would hire people with at least SOME computer skills so others don't get burdened with ALL the computer-related work, which understandably, is a lot. I understand that a lot of people might not have access to computer education, but organizing an in-house training is not that hard.

Also, MSWs (Master of Social Work) and L.L.Bs (Bachelor of Law) aren't enough criteria to hire staff. Why?

Well, a certain someone with an M.S.W once said that a dress code was neccessary in colleges to prevent rape. Another person with an MSW agreed with some idiot at a conference who said rapists all suffer from psychological problems, and must be treated accordingly.

As for the L.L.Bs: One asked us "where our morality was" when S and I said we were against the ban on bar dancers. Another who works in the Family Court advised a woman to "go back to her husband" instead of "making a mountain of the molehill." The woman had approached her saying that she wanted a divorce because her husband forcibly penetrated her using his fingers several times which was a sexual act with which she was not comfortable. The L.L.B in question proceeded to tell this woman who had bravely disclosed her most intimate and painful experiences that "everyone did it" and she must "learn to be open-minded and enjoy."

Have I mentioned that we're a human rights organization?

Well. We're a human rights organization.

The most frustrating part is that S, M, A, P and I know all this through personal conversations and informal discussions. We've all expressed concern and disgust for the dismal lack of monitoring of case-handling and perspective. We're all wary of being snitches, but good God, the unit that deals with the Family Court is currently dealing with 130 matters. I'd hate to think how many more women they're decidely not helping with their stupid fucking "counselling."

This acerbic post is fueled by a call I got from SV: Last week I was commissioned by InfoChange to write an article on the current situation of the Sexual Harassment at the Workplace Bill. Being a non-legal person, I had to be a lot more careful, making sure I was getting all my facts correctly. SK (more commonly known as Queen Bitch) had asked me around the same time to write the report for the Delhi conference. I told her I would - even though it makes no sense for me to go through 8 video tapes to write it since I wasn't even there - but after I finished my journal article. She smiled sweetly, as she always does, and said that was fine.

A few minutes ago, SV called me to say that SK called her and told her all about my skewed priorities. She was upset that I hadn't started watching the Delhi tapes to write the report. Nevermind that I submitted the article only yesterday. Nevermind also that I've been working on her powerpoint presentations all day today (See bit about people with no computer skills which sometimes forms a wicked partnership with the power-induced laziness) I guess it would be so much more complicated for her to write the report since she was there; doing nothing but giving orders is so terribly time-consuming.

I'm currently listening to 'Dry the Rain' by The Beta Band, and all but weeping with joy that I don't have to take this crap for much longer.